Rejection Hurts

Rejection. Hurts. Bad. Praise Jesus He will never reject us! I was on the verge of a break down, and it only took one more thing. There I was in the bathroom at church with tears running down my face. I have been struggling with rejection and never feeling good enough all of my life; I really thought I was getting past it. I thought wrong.

At that moment standing in the bathroom, I wanted to be somebody else, anyone else but me.

The enemy said "see you aren't good enough" "look how ugly you look" "you will never be good enough so you should just stop trying." "You are pathetic; look at you with your bloodshot puffy eyes, gross!" "Look how fat you are; disgusting!"

As I stood there looking in the mirror; I felt like giving in and listening to the lies and believing the manipulation. I really started to believe all these things; again. Here I really thought I was getting past all these feelings. I decided right there I was leaving; I wasn't good enough and I was going to stop trying. It is too hard. So, I left but I could not start my car and drive away.

I began to pray and God reminded me again how much he loves me. He reminded me that the enemy has been planting these ugly seeds since I was young. I felt like I didn’t fit into my family; having the dad who left because maybe I wasn't good enough. In school I wasn't good enough for the same reason; I didn't have the right last name. Then when I began to hang out with a new group of kids, I didn't fit in there either because this time I was too preppy. I never fit in, never felt good enough or bad enough or whatever enough. I just never felt enough. Until I met Jesus! He showed me in so many ways that I am enough. He loves me; NO MATTER WHAT!! It’s such a relief to finally belong somewhere and belong to someone. God reminded me that these were all LIES! He told me I belong there with Him.

I had this overwhelming feeling deep in my soul; I would not give up or give into the lies, not this time.

There are plenty of times when I fall short and times when I believe the lies, but today I was going to lean into my God and let him hold me until I felt strong enough to walk on my own. So I stood up left my car and put one foot in front of the other. I decided right there; no matter how I 'feel' I am choosing to love. I will love myself, I will love others and I will allow God to love me, even though I don't deserve it. This is what makes Him God, He loves me when I'm good, when I'm bad, when I'm ugly and when I give up. His love never changes, it is the same yesterday, today, and　tomorrow!

Hebrews 13 5-6
"I will never fail you. I will never abandon you." So we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?"

Hebrew 13 8-9

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.　So do not be attracted by strange, new ideas. Your strength comes from God’s grace, not from rules about food, which don’t help those who follow them.