Exposing the Dark

And the judgment is based on this fact: God’s light came into the world, but people loved the darkness more than the light, for their actions were evil. All who do evil hate the light and refuse to go near it for fear their sins will be exposed. But those who do what is right come to the light so others can see that they are doing what God wants. ” (John 3:19-21 NLT)

When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:6-8 NLT)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalms 139:23-24 NLT)

I am a drug addict. I know all about living in the dark. When I was using; the light was a constant threat to me. The light would reveal the truth about how bad I looked, how bloodshot my eyes were, if my pupils would dilate and so much more. I became so paranoid of what the light could and would expose that I would go out in public as little as possible and stayed up at night when the world was asleep.

I had no intention of staying alive when Jesus intervened in my life. I was planning the details of my suicide when he stepped in. I was going to kill myself; never allowing Jesus into my heart. He saved my life when I wanted to take it. I was,”utterly helpless” and hopeless. 

Christ stepped into my life and gave me the death I needed; not the one I wanted. Jesus gave up his life, hung on a cross, paid for my sins by going to tell, and was raised from the dead. I ended up in jail for a couple months where I learned about who He is and who I am. I learned that my debt had been paid by an innocent man and took my punishment.

I am a different person today, but I don’t know that I would give up my life for anyone except a child, even a righteous one. Jesus knows who I am; he didn’t lose track of me in the darkness, no instead he sent in some light. In the darkness of a jail cell; he sent jail ministry women who taught me about Jesus’s love, grace, and forgiveness.

I was really good at being bad. Being good is hard! I struggle daily with past behaviors, addictions, and old ways of thinking. It doesn’t get easier; just some days more manageable than other days. The only thing that keeps me from stepping over those lines that are very blurry to me; Jesus. 

He gives me a standard to live and love by. Wanting to live more like Jesus and love people the way Jesus loves me leads me to constant Self-examination of my heart. I don’t always like what I find, but it’s necessary. Looking at ourselves, our lives, and our choices is never going to be comfortable, but addict or not, we all need to truly examine our hearts and thoughts. He is made perfect in all those weak or dark areas, so let him work in those areas we don’t want exposed.